Cobra Commander, In Training

Just fake the mask.

Sham Wow: Chinese for "Life Or Death"

TRAINING SCENARIO - You walk in your front door and are immediately confronted by Vince The Slap Chop guy. He is overly excited and yells that he wants to show you his 'Schticky'. He does not show his hand when you demand to see it. Shoot or Don't Shoot? Discuss.

Sham Wow: Chinese for "Life Or Death"

Man Secret #32

Man Secret #32: Guys really love to BBQ hot dogs. It makes us feel awesome. We are convinced that we're cooking something impressive like pasta in water with sauce from can (my specialty). We like to believe BBQ is highly complex when all we really are doing is taking formed reconstituted meat-like product and making really warm.

A quick question…about smoke.

Still trying to locate the point in history when blowing smoke into the rectum of another in which to distract or undermine said other party reached such a height of popularity as to warrant a colloquialism.  Additionally, at which point did said colloquialism transfer to an inquiry for clarification as to whether or not another is attempting to blow smoke into your own rectum in order to distract or undermine?

Click Dark. The New DC Comics.......hero?

Those bastards just can't leave a good thing dead.

Sunday's Twitter Musings

Here's what you missed...........well, you didn't really miss it.. 

North Korean leader Kim Jonah Hill addressed his people today. Apparently it was to order a No. 1 combo from In-N-Out with a coke.

When teaching children to sing their ABC's, replace the rapidly sung LMNO with Enema. Then just sit back at laugh.

2,237 people are still checking for Youtube and FB uploads of them drunk in front of a bar screaming, "TONIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! WE ARE YOUNG!!"

Just think, if Dr. James Naismith had picked a different receptacle, all the cool kids would be wearing Nike Air Jordan Trash Can Shoes.

"For the last time, Ted and Wilfred are NOT the same!!, Dad!!" - Drunk Seth Rogen

Extra verses to Tubthumping by Chumbawamba #NeverBeenGoogled

The problem wasn't that James Cameron dove to the bottom of the ocean to show off for his ex-wife, the problem was that he came back.

The fact that Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie did not get married this weekend is a slap in the face of the Titanic legacy - #DrunkJamesCameron

Top 10 Names For Snooki's Baby!

Top 10 Names For Snooki's baby.
10. Oops.
9. The penetration.
8. Mayan
7. Francis Bean the second
6. Homer J LaValle,
5. Sober Driver
4. Alex(old joke)
3. Dan Jackiels
2. Brought To You By MTV
1. Bluer Ivy

The Adorable Ultrasound. 

Mame the Meme!!

Top Ten Things NEVER Uttered By Jesse Jackson!!

And now, it is my privilege and honor to present the Top 10 things never uttered by Jesse Jackson:
10. Whatevers. All I know is Tebow better not screw up my fantasy football season again. 
9. I'm not NOT saying that I may be wearing Sheila Jackson Lee's underwear right now.
8. So I told Rosie, girlfriend, you dont need Oprah anyway.
7. Just finished those Hunger Games books. O…M…frickin G!
6. With GPS, I almost dont need a chafeur to find these protests......almost.
5. I'd love to speak at your next protest but, you know, Dancing With The Stars is on and I've got my fingers crossed for Melissa Gilbert.
4. Sharpton and I really should carpool to these things.
3. You know, I'd hate to jump to conclusions…
2. Does this contrived outrage make my ass look fat?
1. Seriously, guys. Enough pictures. This funeral isn't about me.

Keepin' It Green.

Employment Opportunities!

In his defense, if I could pull off selling linens wearing a cheerleader outfit and a viking helmet, you 

bet your sweet ass I would.

Super Bowl Capitalism.

The Super Bowl really is the last true stronghold of western Capitalism. I imagine the ghosts of Vince Lombardi, Al Davis and so many others festooned in fur coats, giant two-tone neon afro wigs pointing giant foam fingers at the selfish, fun-stealing socialist scurges so pervasive in our land. And I can hear them scream in unison in Gandalf tones, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"